In a survey will be presented at Arendalsuka Thursday answer one of three parents that they are unsure whether they will do what is best for the children so often as once a week or more.
– A modern parenthood is more complicated than it may be based on intuition and spinal reflexes alone, says director Mari Trommald in Children, Youth and Family Affairs (Bufdir).
– One can actually love their kids to death
She thinks on the one hand it is good that 70 percent of parents are confident in their role, but that Also need research-based knowledge about good parenting skills.
– Too few use of services that can actually provide expert help, as health and family welfare centers, she said.
Trommald believe that not only parents, but the entire population should have greater knowledge of parenting skills.
– There is not sufficient with much love and good intentions, one can actually love their kids to death. It must be combined with good boundaries.
Parents: – For high requirements
Trommald get no support from family Dyrnes on Siggerud for its concern that parents generally believe they know what is best for their child.
– Today there is a huge focus on that being parents should be done on an incredibly good way, says Therese Dyrnes.
the cozy house near the sea and forest in Ski municipality has family of four deliberately chosen to live a quieter life than many others.
Both she and her husband Trond Dyrnes think it is positive that a large majority parents mean they automatically speak parenting.
– The demands society makes family life today are too high, says the mother. – There are many who feel they can not.
Healthy to be uncertain
That as many as one in three parents regularly are unsure whether they are good enough parents, watching Trommald as a sign of health.
– A certain humility and uncertainty is often a resource. But problems arise when you’re looking in the wrong place.
At 30 percent of parents – and most men – say they google for advice on child rearing, she seems important information.
Also Parents pair Dyrnes know the uncertainty as daughters Miriam (10) and Rebecca (9) grows. Where are the limits, what should the girls be allowed? That 5 of 10 parents surveyed say they are uncertain about social media, they understand well.
– Now we discuss with Miriam when she should be allowed to use Instagram. But we stick to the age limit of 12 years, said the father.
As with most in the survey they talk with good friends if they have doubts about something in their upbringing. – Yet, there have been so many situations, but they get enough, they say.
Arguing gives unsafe children
Trommald believes there is a need for research-based guidance for parents on-line. – Here we have a job to do. It should become as common to talk about what is good parenthood as talking about the kids should eat fruits and vegetables, and have enough physical activity, she points out.
– To highlight One thing that worries you most about today’s parenthood?
– Open conflict and bickering between parents can give sick and insecure children. Awareness that it can be harmful, may be enough to change their own behavior.
Nine out of ten would say from other
In the survey says nine out of ten they would say from to their friends if they behaved not doing ok against their children. Seven out of ten believe they would find it problematic to get someone else to tell that they should do something different as parents.
Parents in the community on Siggerud has ambitions to have a low threshold to tell if it is something that happens in the friend group or school that should be addressed. – But in practice it is probably harder to tell, says Therese and Trond Dyrnes.
This mean psychologists about the director’s concern:
Psychologist Peder Kjøs:
There’s no previous generation of parents who have been so enlightened and children focused as this. Today’s parents are more concerned with their children than ever. I do not agree with Trommald in that it is worrying when seven out of ten parents say they will automatically know their children best. Parents responding on the basis of everything they can and know – and my contention is that they can and know very much.
The government should be careful not to say that having children requires specialized knowledge.
They are no basis for it, even though someone always needs guidance and training. That a great deal is uncertain, I agree can be a healthy sign. There is always much to be unsure.
Willy-Tore Mørch, professor emeritus of psychology, University of TromsøI support Mari Trommald in concern if it is true that the majority of parents leans toward the intuitive, that “just know” what to do as parents. It would be unfortunate to think that the first instinctive way of responding to the child on the right. But when parents are asked if they automatically know what is best for their children, they think enough of more than intuitive. They react with knowledge and everything they have learned by reasonable and appropriate ways to respond to. When the child grows up and gets a wider repertoire, it becomes difficult for parents in many areas. They are child supervisors. Although advice from experts diverge slightly in different directions, there is general consensus about what is research-based parenting skills.
Pravin Israel, an associate professor at the Department of Psychology at the University and a senior researcher at Ahus.
It is no wonder that parents generally respond that they know a lot about what is best for children. Being a parent is both innate biological instincts and learned behavior that is molded in a particular culture and value system. If you ask the average person, they will therefore respond that they know that well. If you ask parents such as seeking help because of problems with children, they will probably not respond that way. They seek help because they’ve tried everything they could, and seen that it has not worked. If parents are unsure of their role, the probability of having a child who is insecure, too big. One should be confident in themselves as parents.
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